Where to begin…Funny, I’ve been thinking about starting this blog for months. The words I’ve wanted to say here running through my brain day and night, obsessively consuming me. Now that I’m done setting up this little corner of the internet for myself, my brain has gone blank. All the words have scattered, gone into hiding, taunting me with the knowledge I had them and lost them. Maybe, if I keep just pounding out nonsense on my keyboard, they’ll come back. I hope they do, because I feel if I don’t get these thoughts, these desires, and start stripping off all the masks I wear every fucking day, I’ll lose my grip on sanity. Even if no one reads this, at least the void is listening…or I can pretend it is, at any rate.

Maybe I’ll start by introducing myself. I’m calling myself Remy here, not my real name. I need to use a fake name, to share the real me, or rather to rediscover the real me, because I’m not sure I know who the fuck she is anymore. Oh yeah, I’m a cis-woman and I go by she/her pronouns. Another thing I’ll share, that I’ve never told anyone in my real life, is I’m bisexual or maybe pan…at the very least, I’m not straight. I don’t feel I have a right to claim my own queerness, though. I’ve never been in a relationship or had sex with anyone but the opposite gender. And for the last, very many years, I’ve been in a committed relationship with a man. Maybe this is just my midlife crisis, but is it ever too late to figure out who you really are beneath all the masks you’ve created to mold yourself into who you think you need to be for others? For the most part, I don’t think so…but the scared part of me…well, I’m working on shutting her up.

If you’re reading this, thank you, and also sorry – I ramble, go off on tangents and have 0 desire to not do that here. This will be my place to share my truths, my desires (including of a sexual nature), and to rediscover who I am, really am, beneath the personas I use in my real life. I may post daily, weekly, monthly, maybe even multiple times per day…I don’t know. As long as I can get the words back I want to share and shed this near paralyzing fear I have at showing anyone, including myself, who I am underneath my masks.